Friday, December 28, 2012


I'm on a big quote kick right now. Thought I'd share some...
"The more I see, the less I know for sure." -John Lennon
"Sometimes you have to forget what's gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what's coming next." -Unknown
"Sometimes you'll never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory." -Unknown
"Go for someone whose not only proud and glad to have you but will also take every risk and effort just to be with you." -Unknown
"I think we spend too much time wondering why we're not good enough. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, that we don't ever stop to see that we are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down and hearts closed, and never get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is sun shining and tomorrow is another day." -Unknown
"Never compare your journey with someone else's. Your journey is your journey, not a competition." -Unknown

So I thought I'd share those with you.
If I shared all the ones that I liked/related to this evening, you'd think me very sappy.

Funny How Things Change

You know how people always suggest that as soon as you stop wanting something, you'll get it?
You know how people always say that you should just relax and go with the flow?
Well, apparently those things work.

But then you fly half way across the world and your thoughts start getting all mixed up again.
Not that this will make sense without the full story of my life, but I don't think that I'll ever be "normal" when it comes to relationships. If there is even a norm for that. How can there be a norm for relationships...? I mean seriously. So many variables play into each one, every single time. How in the world did someone enforce some kind of formula for "This is how a relationship should happen."? I don't get it.  

Brain Blocked

Geez, I finally have the desire to write a story but have absolutely zero solid ideas to expand on. I guess I could go through my old stories (the unfinished ones) and continue them, but those are always hard to continue so long after the inspiration for the story has run out. It's really annoying.
Besides that, I'm having a really good time in Germany so far. We've been shopping and done a little bit of sightseeing. A realization occurred to me, though: I'm a really bad tourist. I don't really care about the experience anymore. I feel like I'd rather go to Rome or Paris or wherever and just explore...not go see the things that you "have" to see. Hopefully I'll have the courage to do that if I ever start traveling by myself.
I don't know how much traveling I'm going to be doing past this Christmas. It's all up in the air, about where my parents are moving to next. Also, this summer is still six months away...I have a lot to think about before I get this summer figured out...But that requires thinking power, and mine is diminishing quickly....

More of a Diary Entry than Anything

It's hard to feel this lonely and to be surrounded by people.
It's confusing to want and be scared at the same time.
It's hard to fulfill expectations when you don't know what the expectations are.
Sometimes distance is good...sometimes it makes things a lot harder.
Sometimes I wish I'd led a different life.
Right now, I really want to cuddle. 

France for a Day

So the nice thing about Germany versus Italy is that Germany is much more centrally located. Sure, the tourist spots in Sicily are great but it takes a lot of time and/or a lot of money to get anywhere outside of Sicily. But, from where we are in Germany, it's only about an hour drive to the French border. 
Now, I had a bad thought process before leaving the house this morning. My thought was, "I'm going to France and don't want to feel completely unfashionable all day long." So I did a very silly thing and wore a pair of heels. Never, ever again will I do that. My feet hurt super bad right now, after about six hours of walking around.
However, the actual being in France was pretty fun. We ate at this really fancy French place. My favorite part was my was basically a hollowed out chocolate cupcake that was then filled with warm, melted chocolate. It was super yummy! After lunch, we went to see some fancy church. I feel really bad about every church I go to; I've seen too many of them so I care very little about seeing another one. Then we window shopped for a while. Surprisingly, that was all we did. It feels like a lot more than that...but that's probably because of my poor shoe choice.
Tomorrow, I have some serious shopping to do. I still have to buy presents for a whole bunch of people...whoopsie! Don't tell them that I'm so late. Then packing the next day and Virginia the day after that. Wow, I'm gonna be busy.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Auerbach Castle

For those of you who haven't heard yet, there's this boy that I have a crush on. Riveting, I know. Something really cool about it, though, is that his last name is German. Not only that, there's a castle here with the same name.
And it's actually my favorite castle that I've been to so far. No, that's not because I like this boy. We could actually explore the castle. I'm really used to the castles or temples that I go to being all blocked off. Basically, you can stand in the court yard and that's it. Not at Auerbach Castle...we got to climb up into the watchtowers and look out over the valley. There was exploring we could do and almost no gate was locked and shut. I felt like I was ten years old and playing "Saving the Damsel." Well, almost. Mostly, exploring was just really great. We saw these gliders (planes that catch the updrafts to stay in the air) and had fun waving to them. Lots of pictures were taken and silliness happened.
We spent the rest of the day looking around other little towns, places that my mom used to visit when she was studying abroad here. It was pretty cool, actually.
Besides all of that, I finally have another story idea happening in my head. :D (That smiley cannot be big enough!!!!) Finally, finally, finally, yessssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas

Christmas always ends up being a funny time of year for me. The first few weeks of December are always full of excitement and, admittedly, a little bit of anxiety. When it comes down to it, those weeks are probably my favorite. All of the preparation--trying to find presents for everyone, getting ready to head home, having some of your favorite songs turn into the most annoying ones because they're played so much--ends up being so much fun. I like to think that I'm really good at giving presents so it turns into a game, trying to locate the perfect presents for peoples.
But this week at home has actually--sadly--been really stressful. Don't get me wrong: I absolutely love my family. And they are great to hang out with. But, like I said in a post a couple months ago, I feel really inadequate when I'm in a room with three or more of them. They don't do it on purpose but I rarely feel on par with them as we're sitting around and talking. I find that I self-promote a lot and bring the conversation back to my own life a lot--at least, a lot more than I feel like I do when I'm with my friends. My theory behind that is that I'm trying to put myself on the same shelf as my siblings. Since I earn my place among my friends, I don't feel the need to try and prove myself to them; they've already accepted me into their ranks. With my siblings, they didn't get a choice in my joining their ranks--it happened. Every once in a while, I feel like I've earned my spot among them but, almost inevitably, that feeling comes crashing down and I'm left on the bottom rung (at least, in my mind.) Holidays always end up being a little stressful because of that; lots of time in close quarters with people that I feel the need to prove myself to.
Luckily, I supposed, Christmas itself is on its last day this year. And we've just got a lot of sightseeing to do before I head out to Virginia. Then I get to spend five days there, catching up with some old friends. I'm really looking forward to that. It's been two and four years since I've seen these friends. There should be lots and lots to talk about.
Anyway, for those of you who celebrate, Merry Christmas.

Friday, December 21, 2012

It's End of the World

December 21, 2012. I've been told that the world is supposed to end today. While I completely doubt the truth of that, I will be very sad if there's no world to wake up to tomorrow. (Though, if the world ends, I supposed there won't be a 'me' to be sad about it.)
I also came to the determination that the world couldn't end on one single day. With the way that time zones work, the world isn't ever on the same day at the same time. (At least that's my understanding of the way it all works.) So! If the world was supposed to end on "December 21", I'm forced to ask "December 21 where?"

Anyway, last night at dinner made me really sad. We got to talking about reasons to not travel to certain countries. Apparently, Delhi is the rape capital of the world. That's the only hard bit of conversation I remember because I spent most of it in a sad spiral of realizing that the world (and the people in it) do seem to be predisposed to be terrible. Suddenly, I'm not so shocked at why some people are surprised when they find out that they consider me a "good person".
Wow, jet lag makes me all babble-y. Not that what I'm trying to say isn't something I believe, just that I'm doing a very poor job of saying it.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Cinderelly, Cinderelly, Night and Day...

Okay, I'm not actually watching the Disney version of "Cinderella." But I do love that song that the mice sing when they're fixing up her dress for the ball.
They always keep her hopppin'
She go around in circles
Til she very, very dizzy,
Still they holler
Keep a-busy, Cinderelly! 
I am, however, watching the Hilary Duff/Chad Michael Murray version "A Cinderella Story" (yes, I know; it's a really ridiculous movie for me to watch but, let me tell you a secret. I tend to like movies that are just the feel good type...even if that means that the intended audience is probably eleven years old.) We can discuss my poor taste in movies later, I promise.
Watching a telling of Cinderella got me thinking...I almost had this big rant about how unbelievable the narrative is but, now that I sit down to tell you guys about it, I've had a change of heart. I read this quote one time about the Disney version of "Cinderella". Of course, I can't remember it verbatim but it basically said that Cinderella is a girl who has a dream and does what it takes to see it come true. The more I think about it, the more I can believe that. No matter which version you watch (and my personal favorite is the one with Drew Barrymore that has been mentioned at least twice before here), "Cinderella" has something that she desperately wants to achieve. I guess the reason that the Drew Barrymore version is my favorite is because the boy isn't really the end goal. In that version, the goal is to save her father's estate from her greedy step-mother. In the other versions that I've watched/read, Cinderella is a girl who just wants to be out past curfew and happens to meet this guy who apparently believes in love at first sight.
Okay, I guess I am still a little bitter towards the story. I guess I'm just partial to the "Beauty and the Beast" story. A smart girl who looks past appearances to find the man inside... That's totally my cup of tea.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Well, See

Three weeks away from school seems like a long time.
Two weeks in Germany and one in Virginia seems like a very, very short time.
I guess life really is all about perception. 
I'm proud to say that I've done absolutely nothing productive for the past two days. I forgot how nice being lazy can feel. Except I know that I've been lazy and feel like I should really do something about that. Well, I guess I did tune my violin, which isn't something I was completely convinced that I could do. I should practice some Christmas tunes...
For those who haven't heard the whole story, my parents move from Italy to Germany this summer and, while I lived in a temporary apartment with them for a while before going to school, I wasn't around to help them unpack into their house. Over these past few weeks, whenever I've thought about what being back overseas would feel like, I always thought it was feel like vacation. Now that I'm here, I realize that I was feels like home. I guess I'm not kidding when I tell people that I have at least five homes; I'm a big believer in the phrase, "Home is where the heart is." A little part of me wishes that I didn't feel so at home; I feel like I'd be more inclined to go out into town and explore if I felt like I was on vacation. But, since I feel so at home, I'm really comfortable with snuggling up in front of the computer and playing Sims.
My brother and sister are flying in tomorrow, so more adventures should kick up in the days following. Apparently, all of us kids have been invited to the party that's happening on Friday for my dad's students. :) That makes me feel kind of silly, and kind of happy. I haven't been to a middle school holiday party in, like, four years.
I'm really excited for it to be Christmas. It always ends up being fun: way too much food, parties, silly music and cheer. Oh, and presents ;) Speaking of which, I still have shopping to do (but that's a secret so don't tell!)
I guess I have a lot to do while I'm here...I have to complete my RA application. I should clean out my closet. Oh! That's one of my amazing closet is soooooooo ridiculously full. I can't believe that I ever thought I didn't have enough clothes. At this point, I think that I have way tooooo many. I'm coming to realize that my goal of making all my possessions fit into a couple suitcases and a few boxes is probably impossible. "Pack rat" is a term that applies to me. My other amazing discovery is that I could actually tune my violin. I was terrified that I was going to snap the strings; and that would've been terrible because I wouldn't have been able to play. Anyways, back to my to-do list: there's cooking, baking, and sight seeing to be done. And, since 2013 is the first year I'll be doing taxes, I'm hoping to get a little help from my parents. Ugh, growing up is hard.
Seriously, it is. In some ways, the difficulty is really, really wonderful. But independence comes at a price; in some ways, I wish I could stay a kid forever. Kids are impossibly carefree. Being financially stable would provide some freedom to be careless, but I'm an Elizabeth Bennet at heart so I won't marry with money as the reason. (Plus, I'm 18; getting married probably isn't advisable just yet.) I guess that means that I'll have to become rich with my writing.
It would be nice if my writer's block would stop. I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't write. This first quarter at college (I survived it!) revealed a lot more about my personality than it did my possible careers. I know that I won't major in Art History and probably won't major in Anthropology. I would say theatre but, the funny this is that I found myself focusing on the narratives and characters more than the cinematography or lighting design. Maybe I am a writer. I do hope so. I want to be.
On the other hand, though, being an undecided major has its perks. It means that, for now, I don't have classes that are required. Sure, I have requirements to fill but there's a wide range of classes that I can use to full 'em. Once I declare, I'll have classes that I must take and I don't always like the things I must do.
Let me tell you a secret about Robyn...I'm really easily influenced. I'll have made up my mind about something then someone will express their doubt and send me into a spiral of questioning. I said earlier in here about how I need to do my RA application. Well, everyone at school is encouraging me to do it and, while I'm there, I feel really sure about my desire to do it. But it feels like everyone here is telling me to be extra cautious. How cautious is the right amount of cautious? What should I be worried about? Will it really impact my life that much? In a bad way, I mean. The coin trick! I should try the coin trick...Meh, I'll do it later. This chair is pretty comfortable. 

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Trying Very Hard to Stay Awake...

I make no promises that any of this post will be coherent. Even with four hours of sleep on the plane, I'm exhausted after my trip. My eyes do not want to stay open at all. But I'm trying to stay up until at least 8 Germany time. Hopefully, that'll work out because I have some people to call stateside.
Dead week and finals week at school were kind of crazy and totally not what I expected, but wonderful all the same. There was tons of dancing, a fair bit of cuddling, and so much silliness. All in all, that equates to a lovely time. It's a little sad, though, because I feel like I was just starting to make really good friends and now I'll be away for three-ish weeks. I'm gonna miss the lot of them.
Wow, I really want to write more and make this post a lot more interesting but my brain is not functioning enough to do so. I will say that I'm planning on writing a lot more in the near future so don't wait too long before coming back to see what's up here.

Thursday, December 6, 2012


So I realized today as I was laying in bed and delaying my studying that, come the 15th of December, I won't be able to dance blues for like 3 weeks. Hopefully I'll be able to swing dance (since my brother is coming to Germany too) but he doesn't blues.
Maybe I could teach him.
But he's been taught different dance styles before, and always dances them with a little swing flavor. Mostly the reason I'm scared to teach him is that my blues form is still pretty poor. Trust me, all of my leads like to tell me ways I can improve. "Tension, tension, tension." Do you know how hard it is to keep tension when leads don't try to take my weight?! Dear leads, if you want your follow to lean into you, try to take some of her weight. It shows her you can be trusted! Sincerely, a forming blues dancer.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Dead Week

Wow, finals are almost here. I really should be studying right now but I haven't been able to talk myself into it yet. There's a reason for that, I promise. My exams aren't about everything we've learned over the quarter; they're just another test. So I only feel the need to study as much as I would for any other test this quarter. Really what I need to do is get enough sleep so I have the proper motivation and energy level to study... Note to self: don't stay up until 2 again this week.
The funny thing about "needing to study" is that it makes everything else so much more appealing. I'm writing letters, maybe going to start reading a book today...Actually, I just need to work reading into my life because I really go enjoy it. For some reason, sitting on Facebook always seems like a better idea in the moment.

Dinner, real homemade dinner.
One really good thing that's come of dead week so far is pasta. Yup, I made pasta for a bunch of people in my stack last night. And it was absolutely great. We have delusions that we're going to cook real food every night this week and, while that'd be great, I doubt it'll happen. There's too many small things that go into actually cooking. I mean, pasta is simple and I'd be happy to eat that every night this week but I doubt all my new friends would share that opinion.
I really missed cooking. Now I have a deal with my parents that I'll be in charge of dinner for about a week when I go back to Germany. Their school will still be in session when I arrive so I thought it'd be nice to cook for that week.
I'm really excited about the next few weeks. This is dead week and lots of fun things are happening: swing, blues, shopping, maybe a party. Then next week is finals, which isn't exactly optimal but I'll be done on Wednesday and am maybe going to see "The Hobbit" on that Thursday. Maybe. I head down to Seattle on the Friday to hang out with my sister/help her pack before flying to Germany the next day. Then I get to spend two weeks in Germany and celebrate Christmas with my family. This is the first year in a while that I've felt "Christmas-y" so I'm really excited about it. After that, I get to spend five days in Virginia, hanging out with some friends that I haven't seen in years.
The next month should be great!! :)