Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas

Christmas always ends up being a funny time of year for me. The first few weeks of December are always full of excitement and, admittedly, a little bit of anxiety. When it comes down to it, those weeks are probably my favorite. All of the preparation--trying to find presents for everyone, getting ready to head home, having some of your favorite songs turn into the most annoying ones because they're played so much--ends up being so much fun. I like to think that I'm really good at giving presents so it turns into a game, trying to locate the perfect presents for peoples.
But this week at home has actually--sadly--been really stressful. Don't get me wrong: I absolutely love my family. And they are great to hang out with. But, like I said in a post a couple months ago, I feel really inadequate when I'm in a room with three or more of them. They don't do it on purpose but I rarely feel on par with them as we're sitting around and talking. I find that I self-promote a lot and bring the conversation back to my own life a lot--at least, a lot more than I feel like I do when I'm with my friends. My theory behind that is that I'm trying to put myself on the same shelf as my siblings. Since I earn my place among my friends, I don't feel the need to try and prove myself to them; they've already accepted me into their ranks. With my siblings, they didn't get a choice in my joining their ranks--it happened. Every once in a while, I feel like I've earned my spot among them but, almost inevitably, that feeling comes crashing down and I'm left on the bottom rung (at least, in my mind.) Holidays always end up being a little stressful because of that; lots of time in close quarters with people that I feel the need to prove myself to.
Luckily, I supposed, Christmas itself is on its last day this year. And we've just got a lot of sightseeing to do before I head out to Virginia. Then I get to spend five days there, catching up with some old friends. I'm really looking forward to that. It's been two and four years since I've seen these friends. There should be lots and lots to talk about.
Anyway, for those of you who celebrate, Merry Christmas.

No comments:

Post a Comment