Day 12...Close Up

Normal everyday pink

My first thought with this picture is how ridiculously awkward my hair must've looked that day. It's all frizzy and unfortunate.
However, my hair is not the point. The point is the birthmark that runs across my right cheek. I often wonder if it is the first thing that new people notice about me. There are a few ways to categorize what exactly is on my face: a port wine stain and a hemangioma are two of the most common. The basics of the science is that more blood/nutrients come to the right side of my face, causing pigmentation and, if you look really closely, a bit of swelling. It has a lot to do with the blood capillaries though I couldn't explain much more beyond that. I didn't like paying attention to the doctors when I was a kid and haven't yet caught up on all the information since I've started being in charge of taking care of it myself.

Post-surgery purple

When I was 18 months old, I had my first laser surgery. It makes my face look more purple-y. The point of the laser surgeries is to keep the blood capillaries under control in order to make sure that the port-wine stain doesn't grow in an unhealthy manner. The original thought was that about ten surgeries would do the trick and fade the birthmark away completely. Over the years, a lot of people have asked why I make it purple if the goal is to make my birthmark fade; the purple is actually a bruising reaction that my face has to the laser. To clear up a misconception that my siblings had about the term "laser treatment", the machine that is used is called a pulse dye laser and it emits a high energy laser light, which goes through my skin and causes reactions under the surface. It feels like getting snapped in the face with a rubber band; super pleasant. The instrument that delivers the shocks to my face is held right above my cheek and "shoots" me in little bursts. If you wanted to know how many times, all you'd have to do is count all of the purple dots.
When I was little, it was almost exclusively my parents that went to my treatments with me, though my grandparents would sometimes take my treatments as an excuse to come see me (the hospital I went to as a child was in between my house and my grandparents'). When I was really little, I was in a pediatric wing, was administered general anesthetic and got spoiled by the amazing staff. The only reason I had so many stuffed animals as a kid was because I got a new one almost every month. The hospital had a sort of exchange table--take one, leave one--and my treatments happened almost every month. Once I got a little older and the insurance people started doing things differently, I went to a different hospital and only did local anesthetic. (For anyone who isn't familiar with surgeries, general anesthetic puts you to sleep, local numbs the area that will be treated.) My parents still spoiled me, though; I got some sort of ice cream treat after each treatment.

The office in Italy
The orange thing to my left is the pulse dye laser machine

Once we moved to Italy, it was local anesthetic in a doctor's office during the school year but I would go back to the same hospital I went to as a little kid when I was back in the states in the summers. They still spoiled me even though I probably shouldn't have been 15 - 18 and in the pediatric wing.
I've only had a few treatments since starting college. It was really had to find a doctor for a while and, since I found one, it's hard to get to her office hours. She doesn't work in the same town I go to school in so that's unfortunate. Though it was a learning experience for two of my siblings. The first time that I went to get a treatment post 18 and sans parents, my brother took me. It was his first time ever being a part of the process. My sister then came with us the next time I went and was just as surprised about the whole process as my brother had been. None of my siblings had come with me when I was little since they had other things to be doing that were more interesting that driving to the hospital with their baby sister. And, apparently, the term "laser treatment" creates some confusion. They were both expecting something much different than what happened. I think that my favorite comment came from my brother. After he saw how the treatments worked (the pulse dye laser hitting me in the face with bursts of light energy), he said something to the effect of "No wonder you could get a tattoo like a champ." It is true that the processes are sort of similar. They hurt and you have to hold still. I've gotten very good at controlled breathing over the years. As an almost twenty year old, am I allowed to use the phrase "over the years"? We'll say yes.
The thing that honestly surprises me the most about my birthmark is that I've never been self conscious about it. In my experience, people often find what's different about them and worry about if society will accept them with it. Never once did I care or think I wouldn't be accepted. I remember once in grade school when we were still drawing self portraits, I brought one home and my dad asked what the pink bit on my face was. I told him it was my birthmark and it hit him that I really and truly accept my birthmark as part of my being. It is as much Robyn as my crazy curly hair is me. I'm convinced that it was the combination of those things that allowed so many people from my childhood to recognize me when I ran into them on campus this year.

Monochrome face. Weird.

There is a chance that, someday, the birthmark will fade and my face will be the same color all the time. Honestly, I can't imagine my face ever not being two distinct colors. Also, it would take so many months of religiously treating my face. It'd be so much work, oh mi oh my. And, truly, I'm okay with being a little different. My personality is so why shouldn't I have a face to match?